For a couple to survive infidelity, the general theme is the cheater wants to get on with the relationship and quickly move past the affair, while the injured party prolongs the misery and mistrust. YourChristianDate And with good reason. It is difficult to "move on" once you have been devastated by an affair.
If both you and your husband want
to survive the infidelity and rebuild your marriage, realize that it is a
process. After the initial shock of the infidelity has settled, it is not so
much the "sexual act" which is the most difficult to survive, but the
deceit, disrespect, lies and lack of loyalty that has taken place. The
lingering feelings of deception and mistrust do not immediately go away once
the affair stops.
Here are 3 mistakes most women make
which prolong the mistrust and misery, and most importantly, how to avoid them.
Mistake #1 - Visualizing The
Details and Playing It Over And Over Again
The number one mistake most women
make which prolongs mistrust and misery is visualizing the details of the
affair and playing it over and over again in their minds. Envisioning the
"what, when, where and how they did things" is destructive to your
sanity and will prohibit you from rebuilding your marriage. To survive
infidelity you must learn to take control SharekAlomre.com of your mind and stop the negative
visualizations. Understand it is natural to doubt your husbands loyalty but
unnatural for you to torture yourself with "thoughts of them."
Tips to help rid yourself of
unwanted thoughts are
-Be aware of when negative thoughts
are taking over so you can learn to change your thought pattern
-Become aware of what triggers your
negative thoughts and images
-Make a conscious decision to stop
yourself when these thoughts and images appear
-Stop telling yourself and others
that you can't stop thinking this way - because you can
-Realize you are in control of your
thoughts and need to distract yourself with other people, things and places to
keep your mind occupied
-Make a written list of 10 things you
are grateful Arabiandate for and pull it out and read it every time
your negative thinking begins
Mistake #2 - Trying To Put The
Marriage Back To "The Way It Was"
The number two mistake most women
make which prolongs mistrust and misery is trying to put the marriage back to
"the way it was." For a couple to survive infidelity, both must
realize there was a fault line in the foundation of their marriage for the
affair to happen in the first place. Usually feeling underappreciated,
misunderstood or a communication break down between the couple has occurred
prior to the affair. There are many online resources available for couples
willing to repair their marriage and find new ways of communicating.
Tips to help you create new ways of
communicating are:
-Stop yourself from falling into
the same communication patterns as were present prior to the affair
-Accept the marriage will not be
the same as it was prior to the infidelity
-Get professional counselling or
find online resources to help you develop new ways of communicating
-Learn to listen to your partner
rather than jumping in with a response
Mistake #3 - Focusing on The Affair
Rather Than The Marriage
The number three mistake most women
make which prolongs mistrust and misery is focusing on the affair rather than
the marriage. For obvious reasons feelings of anger, rage, hurt, betrayal and
disappointment are all natural and must play a part in the healing process.
Keep in mind, if you did not care about your husband, none of these feelings
would be arising. Therefore, once you have both made the decision to survive
the infidelity and save your marriage, focusing on the affair rather than the
marriage is destructive and futile.
Tips to help you focus on your
marriage again are:
-Every day make a list of things he
did right
-Ask yourself why did you fall in
love with him in the first place and does he still have some of those same
qualities
-Take time away from the everyday
routine to spend quality time together
-Find new activities and things you
are both interested in doing together
-Designate specific times to
discuss the marital issues and solutions on how to make the marriage stronger
Ultimately, your husband carries a
large responsibility in trying to help you alleviate your mistrust and misery.
It is after all, his indiscretions that created the breakdown of your
relationship. Realize that if you are both committed to saving your marriage,
there are many ways that you can restore the trust which was lost to the
affair. Take responsibility for avoiding the three most common mistakes many
women make. If you put in the daily work, you and your husband will be among
the many couples that have succeeded in regaining the trust and surviving
infidelity.
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