In continuing my work to share stories of couples who sit on my couch, it is my goal to provide hope and encouragement out there to those who are struggling in their marriage.
Infidelity is one of the most
painful and difficult challenges for a couple to work through because it pulls
the floor of safety and security right out from under you. But the marriage can
be restored. TripTogether In fact,
it can be better than before. It's been said that time heals all wounds. When
it comes to infidelity, time is certainly a factor, but it's not the only one.
There is work to be done in that time to restore trust, emotional safety and
connection to the relationship. Time alone won't solve those problems.
This story is about a young couple
I'll call Tom and Suzanne (fictitious names, of course). Suzanne had lost her
father at a young age which left her feeling abandoned. She grew up never
having felt "good enough". When she married Tom, she had a lot of
insecurities and needed a lot of approval. Because of this she avoided conflict
like the plague. She was afraid if Tom got upset with her, he would abandon
her. He would see the qualities that she saw in herself and he would not want
to be with her any longer. Because of this fear, she manipulated herself to
please him, never really being authentic. AnastasiaDate.com review As some years past, she felt a
loss of her sense of self.
Along came an older, attractive
co-worker who showed her a lot of positive attention. With him she could really
be herself because there was no fear of loss. With him she didn't have
anything, so she had nothing to lose and in that, she felt free. The
relationship progressed into a physical affair.
In counseling, along with healing
from the affair and rebuilding trust, Suzanne had to do a lot of individual
work to understand her pain and fear and how it created problems in her
relationship.
Tom had difficulty understanding
how Suzanne could claim to love him and still have an affair. Through
exploration, he was able to understand that it was her deep love for him that
made her so afraid, Victoriahearts which was
what created some of the pull of the affair. He worked to find compassion for
her fears and pain while also working to heal his own.
Suzanne had to take responsibility
for the poor choice she made in her marriage. She had to work toward making
amends and rebuilding trust. The affair made her feel even worse about herself
than she felt in the first place, so she had to do a lot of work in forgiving
herself and building up her sense of self. She took on the challenge of
addressing issues in the marriage by being open and honest about her thoughts
and feelings with Tom. Understanding her fears, Tom worked to create an
emotionally safe place for Suzanne to share. He worked on being a good listener
and not reacting negatively to the vulnerabilities that Suzanne exposed.
Together they built a more open,
connected relationship through sharing, compassion, listening and working to
understand one another. It took time and practice and while neither Tom nor
Suzanne would have wished for the affair to happen, the growth that came from
the experience helped them create a marriage that they are both very grateful
for.
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