It's pretty common knowledge that spouses who have been caught cheating will sometimes do everything in their power in order to minimize the impact of their cheating. They will claim that the other person OKCupid.com Reviews meant nothing. They will claim that they now see undesirable things about the other person that they didn't see before. They might even go so far as to claim that now the other person turns them off or makes them sick.
For example, I might hear from a
wife who says: "my husband had a three month long affair. Over the past
week, I've been pouring over his emails and texts and what I have been reading
has literally made me sick. He and this woman talk about what they want to do
to one another and how much they want to do it. One thing that is very obvious
in reading all of this is that the other woman is very sexually aggressive and adventurous.
These are both things that I am not. And although my husband is now swearing to
me that he wants our marriage and wants nothing to do with her, I have a hard
time believing this. Because it is clear that at some point in the very short
term past, he couldn't get enough of her. But when I tell him this, he claims
that when he looks back at her now, he feels repulsed. He says that he just
sees her aggressiveness as a turn off now and an attempt OKCupid to control
him. He says that everything about her is just 'too much.' I find this very
hard to believe even though I'd like to believe it. Is it even possible for a
man to find the other woman repulsive after the affair is over?"
I completely understand why you
have your doubts about this. You think that he is only making this claim in
order to convince you that he would never cheat with this woman again because
he's not only not attracted to her anymore, but he finds her a bit disgusting.
And you think that this is complete hogwash, meant only to alleviate your
worries with untruths.
I can't know if your husband is
telling the truth or not, (although I'd be willing to bet that you can watch
his actions very closely and find that this tells you more than his words ever
could.) And I can not tell you that men caught cheating never lie in order to
make things better for themselves. OKCupid.com They do
this all of the time. And sometimes, they think that they are doing you a favor
when they do this. They are hoping to spare you some pain. They are hoping to
alleviate your worry, even if what they are saying is not exactly true. They
might not actually find the other woman repulsive, but they are vowing to stay
away from her just the same. So they figure that exaggerating just a touch
won't hurt anyone.
At the same time though, it is also
not uncommon for men to see the other woman quite differently once the affair
is over. I have had many men confess to me that they didn't really see the
other woman for who she really was until the affair had been over for a while.
And, without the veil of the excitement and secrecy of the affair, she doesn't
look nearly as good to them once they have come back down to reality. This is
different from finding her repulsive, to be sure, but this is what many of them
say.
And I do think that it's possible
that he could certainly be repulsed by what his cheating relationship has done
to his life. He may now be hit with the harsh realization that he has damaged
his marriage, devastated his wife, and shown himself to be very weak natured.
And of course these realizations are going to be upsetting and repulsive to
him. And he maybe projecting these very negative feelings onto the other woman
because it's a little easier to blame her than himself. Either way, he may
believe that he's completely being sincere and truthful when he says that he
finds her repulsive. And it is also quite possible that since his feelings are
gone, he can look at her now and not see her in the way that we did before. How
many of us look at our exes and wonder what we ever saw in them? I look back at
the boy I lusted over in high school and I can see that I was, in a word,
stupid.
I know that the accuracy of what he
is saying is important to you. And I understand why. But quite frankly, it
often takes a little time before you get a real handle on what is real. He can
and will say any number of things. But his actions and his behavior doesn't
lie. If he really finds her repulsive, he will stay away from her and he will
do everything in his power to heal his marriage. If time goes by and he is
doing what you have asked him to do with enthusiasm and without complaint, then
you will likely feel much more comfortable believing his claims.
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