Promila was happily married to Arun for 10 years. The couple with two beautiful children had recently moved to a brand new house and everything was going perfect. However, one day, Promila OKCupid.com Reviews opened her Facebook account as usual and, to her surprise, found a friend request from an old flame. It had been many years since she had seen him or heard about him, and such a sudden encounter tempted her to accept his request quickly.
As Arun left her 6 months after
this incident, without a house or her children, she regretted that one second,
when she had clicked the mouse over the 'accept' button. She wished she hadn't responded
to this man's messages, e-mails and later, phone calls. She found herself
caught in a whirlwind of emotions and then, falling for this man again. What
she had forgotten was that now she had a family which was at stake because of
her rash decisions. This man was married as well and disappeared from her life,
just like before, when trouble began.
Although Promila's story is sad, it
is not uncommon in today's life to meet, see or hear about people who cheat
behind their partner's back with the help of Facebook. There are surveys,
researches and studies all over the world which have revealed this ugly side of
the popular OKCupid networking
site. One prominent example is a recent study conducted by the American Academy
of Matrimonial Lawyers, which found out that 1 out of every 5 divorces taking
place in the US claim Facebook as the culprit. It is shocking news which makes
us all to take a look at the changing face of social networking.
So why has it become so easy for
people to goof up behind the backs of their loved ones and more importantly,
how can it be stopped? Here are the chief reasons and ways to handle a crisis
that arises with Facebook.
Chief reasons for increasing
numbers of Facebook Affairs:
• No need for Disclosure : The
number one draw for such an unsought behavior is that in the virtual world,
people can pretend to be anything they fantasize to be, all they need is a fake
photograph and a few lies to go along with it. People can hide their faces,
age, OKCupid.com
professions and of course their marital status easily on Facebook which gives
them an advantage over a real situation, where they have to disclose at least
their physical attributes.
• Easy gratification and less
effort required: Earlier, it had to be a chance encounter with someone and the
courage to take it further, which required a lot of contemplation and efforts.
Here in the world of quick gratification, one can hook up with someone at the
click of a button.
• Secrecy: The secrecy Facebook and
other social network provide also make the person more confident as they think
they can never be caught. Whenever someone happens to be around, all they have
to do is shut the chat window and everything disappears.
There may be many more reasons like
a person's personality, a desire to take revenge or the sheer convenience of
it, but the most important ones remain feasibility and secrecy.
If you have questions in your mind
regarding your partner's conduct online then you may observe certain
characteristic pattern.
Signs your partner may be keeping
something from you:
Everybody knows that one is
innocent until proven guilty, but it doesn't stop you from being a little
attentive and keeping a tab on your spouse. Here are some signs that may help
you:
• Keeping the virtual life a
secret: If your spouse keeps everything locked with passwords and pin numbers,
which even you don't have access to, then it may be because he/she has
something to hide. This also includes switching web pages or closing the
machine altogether as soon as you enter the room.
• Multiple e-mail accounts: If your
partner has multiple e-mail accounts or new accounts and would not share its
passwords with you then consider it a red flag.
• Being online for very long period
of time: This one may be tricky, because some of us are addicted to internet
and keep on looking for new recipes, shopping or chatting to friends. But if
your partner needs to be online more when you are not around or when you have
slept or he/she is spending his/her free time (which could be spent with you)
on the internet then something fishy may be going on.
• Behavior: This is one of the
surest ways to tell if you partner is lying or cheating. If you see a sudden
change in your spouse's behavior, like being defensive or fighting over small
matters whenever you bring up this topic, then chances are that your partner is
lying to you about something.
If you do have serious doubts about
your partner's secret online life, then it's not too late to act.
Saving your relationship from a
Facebook Affair:
• Set rules: It is imperative that
you and your spouse set limits of what is right and wrong behavior. It may be
that your partner does not think that being involved with someone online can be
called cheating, but if it feels like cheating to you, you should set the
limits. There is no reason or use to get into an argument about what the
"world" thinks about what is acceptable and what is not. The
important thing is what you and your partner thinks about it.
• Open communication: There must be
no secrets between you and your partner. If you have to delete some messages in
your inbox so that your spouse doesn't see, then you are well on your way to
becoming a cheater. Same applies to your partner. There must not be any fake
profiles, multiple emails or accounts of which you have no knowledge about. If
there is nothing to hide, your partner must not hide. It is as simple as that.
A need for privacy or own space are some of the excuses people use to hide
their infidelity.
• Balancing virtual and real life:
For a healthy relationship to flourish, two people must spend time with each
other and do constructive things together. If all you get are unenthusiastic
replies from your partner from behind the laptop screen, then neither of you
would be motivated to work on the relationship. A relationship needs to be
worked upon, not just when it's on a rough patch, but also when it's sailing
smoothly. Limiting time spent on Facebook and spending more time with your
family in the real life will make your relationship healthy.
It is sometimes said that a person
who wants to cheat will find a way to cheat. But that doesn't mean he/she
should be given the temptation. Keeping your eyes open and being observant may
save you and your spouse a lot of trouble afterwards. As far as Facebook is
concerned, it was designed for the purpose to help, entertain and bring people
together, what we don't want it to become is a 'Cheatbook'. It may require a
little self control, but once you and your partner are out of this baffling
virtual life, the feeling would be worth it.
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