People often ask me if they will ever be able to truly love their spouse again after an affair has rocked their marriage. tubit.com review It is my belief that with a good healing system and a willingness to have an open mind, the love can return to many marriages. This isn't a good enough answer to many though. Many want to know if they will love their spouses as much or in the same way that they used to.
A wife might express it this way:
"when my husband told me about his affair, he said that he assumed that I
was going to leave him because he assumed that our marriage could never
recover. I told him that many marriages are able to make it and that I thought
it was a possibility that our marriage could make it too if we were willing to
work hard. My husband's answer to this was that he doesn't think that I will ever
be able to love him like I used to, before the affair. I don't know how to
answer this question because I fear that he might be right. But I don't want to
discourage and punish him by telling him this. I am willing to stay in my
marriage with the knowledge that I won't love him in the exact same way but I
might love him a new way and I am committed enough because of my kids to see it
through anyway. tubit.com But I'm
not sure how encouraging it would be to him to hear me say this. How should I
respond to him asking him me if I can ever love him in the same way
again?"
I'll try to answer that question in
depth in just one second, but before I do, I have to tell you that I am not
sure that you can just assume how you are going to feel in the future. Even
after our marriage was fully tested by infidelity I can tell you that years
later, my love for my husband remains and it is just as strong. Does that mean
I don't ever think about the affair or that the hurt just magically went away?
Certainly not. You can't erase the past. But quite honestly, over the life of
any marriage, there are going to be countless things that test your marriage.
There might be money issues or job losses. You might have different
personalities or one of you might become ill. You may struggle with these
things. Some of them may test your marriage or change it for the worse. But
none of these things need tubit to erase
your love for your spouse in the long term, especially if you pull together out
of the commitment that you have for one another based on that same love.
Do you look at your spouse
differently after an affair? Yes, you certainly can. But this doesn't mean that
you can't still love him or love him again eventually and with time and with
healing.
This is only a suggestion, but in
your situation I might try something like: "it's impossible for me to know
how I might feel in the future and before we have even attempted to work on our
marriage. But I would suspect that if we work really hard and if we restore the
trust, heal, and restore the intimacy, I might love you in the same way or even
more. I've heard of couples having an even stronger marriage after they worked
to get through the affair. I can't rule that out. But I would think that we
would both have to work very hard in order to make this happen. I don't think
that we can expect for it to just magically happen without our working for it and
without us doing to the work to heal. I'm certainly willing to work toward that
if you are. And I am open to any outcomes. But it's impossible for me to tell
you how I might feel. With this said, I'd expect good feelings to be the
product of good healing. And if that's so, I can't imagine not loving you,
assuming we are successful in our healing. But it is going to require effort
from you."
Notice that you haven't made any
specific promise but you've set the groundwork that good efforts on his part
might result in good feelings on yours. This isn't making false promises in my
opinion. Because I know first hand that when you are both willing to put in the
time and the work, then there is no reason that you won't have a good result in
the end.
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